Bloomberg? More Like Hindenburg

Brendan Sullivan, Editor

Presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg crashed and burned after poor performance in Super Tuesday gamble.

Bloomberg, who entered the race late, skipped the primaries and caucuses, banking on a victorious sweep on Super Tuesday. His only victory would be in American Samoa. After placing third or fourth in every state, and trailing Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden by hundreds in the delegate count, Bloomberg soon realized his heavy investment was a flop and ended his bid for the Democratic nomination.

“Three months ago, I entered the race for president to defeat Donald Trump. Today, I am leaving the race for the same reason,” Bloomberg said in a statement.

The former mayor also made the decision to endorse former Vice President Joe Biden.

“I’ve always believed that defeating Donald Trump starts with uniting behind the candidate with the best shot to do it. After yesterday’s vote, it is clear that candidate is my friend and a great American, Joe Biden,” Bloomberg said in his statement.

The billionaire businessman spent more than half a billion dollars on his campaign. However, it appears that money only bought Bloomberg two things: people digging up skeletons from his past and Elizabeth Warren destroying him in a debate.